Monday, October 09, 2006

i'm so sory. i saw the hurt on your face but i cant help it. i've been pushed down and ignored for too long. i've learnt to push you away. i wont talk lest i reveal any information. tha last thing i want is for you to know anything.

i feel like i'm a kid again. i've been wrongfooted and there's nothing i say or do that can help defend my case. and i dont try. i've learnt from past experience that it wont work and i wont try.

i tried so hard to impress you, to make you proud but everything comes to naught coz it doesnt ever matter. you don't notice my efforts, you only see my flaws. i may keep quiet but that doesnt mean i'm void of emotion. in fact, i cry, i bleed and for a moment i fate myself.

perhaps i should take an eternal vow of silence if it pleases you so much. we should go back to the famous saying 'children should be seen, not heard'. i build an ice wall around my heart and a mask to hide behind coz i dont want to hurt anymore.

you can tell me 'mummy and daddy love you' but i dont want to believe anymore. everything was once upon a fairytale and i've outgrown that. i'm moving on and i'm glad to leave all this sh*t behind.

what we could have been, 2:53 pm.